He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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