Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
