Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
