we have pet lesbian snakes
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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