last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
