There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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