seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
