She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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