Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
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I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
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This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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