she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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