if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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