I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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