awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
