I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
