I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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