all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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