In the future we'll all be gay
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
