And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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