hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i would punch a child for taco bell
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
honey bunches of taint.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
