I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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