The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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