Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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