Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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