What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
