thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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