I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
