You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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