You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
