Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
