literally had 100 drinks last night.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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