Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
