In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
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You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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