but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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