"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
