Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
