My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
