someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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