Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You can't motorboat a personality
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
