I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
