You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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