Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
