what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
