that's an acceptable place to lick
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
