You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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