You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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