just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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