That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
