And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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