he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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