so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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