Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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