So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
