I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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