so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
