How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
