I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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