Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
