This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
