I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
