I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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