he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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