those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
