made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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