just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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