i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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