well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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