Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
