Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
