dude i'm inner monologue high
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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