I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
