She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
