He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
