when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
