she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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