i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
