He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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