I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
