So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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