she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
