the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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