come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
