Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
