Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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