How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
