So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
