So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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