remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
