wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
