Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
